Cumcumbers are better than men because...


  1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
  2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
  3. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
  4. Cucumbers are easy to pick up, and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
  5. Cucumbers can be easily disposed of.
  6. Cucumbers do not go away for weekends with the 'boys'.
  7. A cucumber will always respect your wishes.
  8. A cucumber will not ask, "Am I the first?"
  9. Cucumbers do not care if you are a virgin.
  10. With cucumbers you do not have to be a virgin more than once.
  11. Cucumbers will no tell other cucumbers that you are not a virgin anymore.
  12. Cucumbers do not have sex hang ups.
  13. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
  14. You only have to eat a cucumber if you feel like it.
  15. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
  16. Cucumbers will never ask: "Am I the best?". "How was it?". "Did you come?". "How many times?". "Is that the most you have ever have?"
  17. A cucumber will not mind hiding in the fridge when your mother comes.
  18. A cucumber will not make a scene if there are other cucumbers in the fridge.
  19. No matter how old and wrinkled you are, you can always get another cucumber.
  20. A cucumber will never give you a love bite or a social disease.
  21. Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you will never have to sleep in the wet spot.
  22. Cucumbers will not leave you wondering for a month.
  23. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
  24. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
  25. A cucumber does not flush the toilet when you are in the shower.
  26. A cucumber doesn't not want to use your toothbrush or razor.
  27. Cucumbers do not compare you to Sonja's Sin City centrefolds.
  28. Cucumbers do not tell you they liked you better with long hair.
  29. A cucumber will never leave you for another woman, man or cucumber.
  30. You always know where your cucumber has been.
  31. A cucumber never goes on 'Cucumbers' nights out.
  32. Cucumbers do not go through mid-life crises.
  33. Cucumbers do not play the guitar and try to find themselves.
  34. You do not have to tell a cucumber you have a headache.
  35. Cucumbers cannot count to 69.
  36. A cucumber will not tell you that its outgrown you intellectually.
  37. Cucumbers are the same at both ends so are doubly useful.

No matter how you slice it, you can have your cucumber and eat it too!



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